Two Hours : Two Women
By Susan Christian
BETWEEN the Cotswold hills and the Severn river lies a widely-
spreading
town, with innumerable church spires rising from
the midst of its
glistening rows of white stucco villas and unimposing
terraces. The more ”
fashionable ” parts of this town are, in
August, a great opportunity for
the study of window-blinds, for
at the end of July one house after another
looks down on an
agitation of departure in front of its door, and then
seems with
fatigued relief to drop its faded eyelids and bask tranquilly in
the
hot silence. In a month or six weeks time its pleasurable torpor
will be rudely disturbed by rattling brooms and buckets, and then,
with its
stair carpets in new creases and its window-boxes run to
seed, it will
stand ready to endure for another spell the life that
will presently pour
back into it.
Number 50, however, was not entirely deserted ; it was com-
pletely
noiseless, but the front door was open and the gas was
alight in the
dining-room. On the stairs, at the top of the second
landing, there was
sitting in the dusk a very tiny boy in his night-
shirt ; his small arms
were clasped tightly round his spare knees,
and his little outstretched
ears had the funny aspect of being
” cocked ” like those of a terrier ; he
was tensely listening to the
profound stillness.
The Yellow Book—Vol. VII. L
He
hot to go to sleep. He had no idea the house was so tall as it
seemed to-night ; the downward aspect from the very top landing
was abysmal. He crept down ; and down again a little further ;
no stair-board creaked beneath his elfin footfall.
A rudimentary spirit of adventure which attended his setting-
out had been
quenched ; he called a halt ; he was certainly a little
frightened. Poking
his head through the bannisters, he could see
in the passage below a streak
of light, which lay across it from
the dining-room door ajar ; but there
was no sound. Intangible
fears rocked his diminutive soul, his nervous
fingers were tightly
interlaced, he was heroically nerving himself to meet
calamity.
It was a long, long time ; but at last there came the noise of
chair legs
scraping over a Brussels carpet.
His grown-up sister, then, was still alive, and presumably safe,
for
presently there floated up to him, a little out of tune, a few
bars of a
then fashionable song.
He moved down another flight of stairs, with an apprehension
that she
perhaps was feeling solitary. She had begun to work the
sewing-machine, and
its dull whirling, which seems always laden
with the weariness of a
thousand women’s lives, was a harsh
accompaniment to his tragic
thoughts.
A little dread was mixed with his admiration for his grown-up
sister. She
was so upright and trim, the colour in her cheeks was
clear and bright, and
there was a dimple in her chin ; but her grey
eyes always smiled above and
beyond, and not at him, and this
never quite compensated for her indulgence
at teatime, when she
would sometimes only laugh when she saw him
surreptitiously
eating the forbidden combination of butter and jam. Even
in
after-life he only partially realised what an entire sacrifice his
sister’s life had been to him and to his elder brothers. If the
slender
inevitably, as years went on, contracted her mind to a degree
woefully incomprehensible to the brothers for whom she had thus
helped to make a wider life possible, we may be consoled to think
that she could successfully, for her part, bridge over the chasm
which lay between them by cheerful pride in their success. A
certain brisk cheerfulness was certainly the pivot of her life ; there
was neither self-consciousness nor wistfulness about her immola-
tion. She bent now as spiritedly over the machine as in the
morning hours, not sensitive to the incongruity of her employ-
ment with the magic of the summer twilight.
Alas ! she was not sensitive. She never quite understood. It
was one of the
impossibilities of existence that any spiritual
suspicion should acquaint
her of the little figure outside on the
stairs in the dark, with slow tears
creeping down his cheeks.
For he was silently crying.
He was so very, very lonely, and there was no one in the world
who would
come to him.
In future years a very strong sense of the ridiculous could never
make him
smile at the remembrance of that hour, for he recog-
nised that, as he had
at length gulped back his childish tears into
his aching throat, and sat on
immovably in the gathering dark-
ness, he had there, timorously, but for
evermore, set his feet in the
path that alone leads beyond sorrow ; the
path— how shall we call
it ? —of accepted loneliness of
soul.
It was not long ago that, after an interval of many years, he
walked once
again through those streets, and past his childhood’s
home in the tall
terrace. It must have been preconcerted that
there should be standing on
the very steps just such another tiny
boy as he himself had once been, in
the immaculately clean collar
and
though it has long changed hands, still retains these distinguishing
marks. He passed by with a smile to visit other haunts, and it is
improbable that any one noticed him. He is a small man, as he
had been a small boy, and it must be confessed that his neckties
are not as piquant as they should be, and that he has no right feel-
ing on the question of boots. An insignificant figure perhaps,
but a face with a loveliness of its own, insensibly bringing back
some far, faint, fair sensation, as the clear singing of birds at dawn
in the stunted trees which border the silent streets of a great city.
It is impossible to trace the causes which have given him,
without any very
obvious genius on his part, the position he holds
in the world of to-day ;
where his friends sometimes realise that
he is more to them than they can
ever be to him.
He possesses one of those old-world houses in James Street,
Buckingham Gate,
which look over the end of Wellington
Barracks Square towards the Mall and
the Green Park. It was
late in an afternoon towards the end of July, and
there were
several people in the little drawing-rooms with their
modelled
plaster ceilings. A very young girl in a crisp muslin dress
stood
at a window in the front room, looking down on a number of
Guardsmen playing cricket beyond the tall iron railings and the
row of
dusty plane-trees. There was an undulation of bonnets
and low-pitched
voices behind her, and at a piano in the inner-
most room, which was much
darker, and where conversation had
stilled, there sat a young man, reciting
with unrivalled art :
“Dear as remember’d kisses after death,
And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feign’d
On lips that are for others ; .deep as love,
Deep as first love, and wild with all regret ;
O death in life, the days that are no more . . . .”
and,
as if it must light up the flame of romance in cold or old burnt-
out hearts, but which roused no appreciable emotion only a little
tepid applause.
People were beginning to go away, and well-known men and
women passed down
the twisted oak staircase. The fragile-look-
ing young man who had recited
remained to the last, and, talking
with him, a slender woman, whose dark
auburn hair was just
slightly turning grey. Her host went with her
downstairs, and
across the pavement to her carriage.
” When do you leave town ? ” he said. ” You are looking com-
pletely done
up.”
” Ah, well, it will be soon,” she answered. ” And you ? “
“I shall turn up again with the swallows.”
It was characteristic of him that he never directly answered
questions about
himself.
They were holding one another’s hands above the closed door
of the tall
barouche. The sunset, which was making splendid the
tree-tops in the Green
Park, illumined for them each other’s pale
face. It was the highest tribute
that was ever paid him, that she,
a very proud woman, did not mind that he
should know she had
always loved him.
They had built between each other with respectful hands a
wall of silence,
across which her eyes had long learnt not to
wander, but he saw to-night
once more in the brown depths which
it was the vogue to call ” cold,” the
gleam of bitter emotion.
He quietly withdrew his hand, and for the first time in their
long
acquaintanceship she felt for him a slight contempt.
It was an ironical moment.
She wished him to know that in quite a short time she was to
die, and that
this was truly a last good-bye.
A bugle
people passed along the pavement where the tall footman stood
immovable ; the innumerable windows in the row of houses
gazed down unblinkingly. It all seemed to her so detached, so far
away, unreal ; and he the greatest unreality.
She did not look at him again, but signalled to the footman, and
bent her
head as the horses sprang forward. She was not to be
unenvied. Her last
disappointment on earth was over as she went
swiftly up the Buckingham
Palace Road.
For himself, he returned to his dishevelled rooms, and, teased
by some vague
half-misgiving, stood a few moments beside the
open piano, tapping gently
with his fingers on the mirror-like
wood before sitting down to play.
Ah ! the inexplicable incapacities or the human soul !
Yet here, under his moving hands, was music—such music ;
perfect
expression of immortal pain, immortal love.
MLA citation:
Christian, Susan. “Two Hours: Two Women.” The Yellow Book, vol. 7, October 1895, pp. 181-86. Yellow Book Digital Edition, edited by Dennis Denisoff and Lorraine Janzen Kooistra, 2010-2014. Yellow Nineties 2.0, Ryerson University Centre for Digital Humanities, 2020. https://1890s.ca/YBV7_christian_twohours/